


more than water

by museaway



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dreams, Dreamsharing, Falling In Love, First Love, First Time, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Sleepovers, Supernatural Elements, rinharuweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 17:25:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17084549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museaway/pseuds/museaway
Summary: At twelve years old, Rin discovers he can enter people’s dreams and is shocked when he connects with Haru during a sleepover. After moving to Australia, he continues to see Haru while he’s asleep and confesses things he never would face-to-face, like his fear that leaving Japan was a mistake. Haru accepts the strange connection between them and over the next few years, they form a friendship that overcomes Rin’s jealousy of Haru’s talent. But as they grow into adolescence and their feelings for each other become serious, they must fumble through first love with an ocean between them.





	more than water

**Author's Note:**

> **Head's up:** There is non-explicit sex that takes place when Haru and Rin are 17 and 16 years old, respectively. They also sneak a beer as teens in one scene. If either detail will bother you, please don’t read any further. 
> 
> The detail about Rin's pillow is from a drama CD I read about.
> 
>  **A little light hand waving:** Since this is an AU, some events (like the swim club opening and closing, and Haru starting the swimming club at school) take place at different times than they do in the canon universe. I’m not sure if Rin lived with Russell and Lori his entire time in Australia. I’m guessing he might have lived with a few host families. But for the purpose of this story, he lives with them all four years. We’re also pretending that Samezuka would let Rin take late entrance exams. 
> 
> Posted for day four of rinharuweek 2018. _Prompt:_ Life (blue prompt: reality, red prompt: dreams)

“I walk through your dreams and invent the future”

from _Litany in which certain things are crossed out_ by Richard Siken

* * *

When Rin was twelve years old, he discovered he could walk through dreams. He'd probably been doing it his whole life, mistaking someone else's illusions for his own. It had been something his father could do. After his death, the dreams where they had swum together stopped. Rin hadn’t thought he or Gou had inherited the ability, but as he grew, he noted times when he recounted dreams at breakfast only to see Gou blush or his mother turn her face away. He quickly mastered discretion.

When Rin was twelve years old, he met Haruka Nanase. He hadn't known what to think of him at first. Rin had never met someone so talented and frustrating. Nanase wasn't bothered by anything. He didn't _want_ anything, and Rin didn't know how to approach someone like that. Nanase didn't seem to have a competitive streak like everyone else. If someone challenged him to a race, he would shrug it off. Maybe that was why Rin was so fascinated by him, because it was impossible to breach his surface.

It was thanks to Tachibana that they had the sleepover. He’d suggested they all go to Nanase’s house after practice since it was closest, but in the end the others couldn't come. Tachibana had to go straight home to help with his younger siblings, and Nagisa’s parents were going out of town. He needed to watch the house. So Rin went to Nanase’s home by himself, proud and nervous when he knocked on the door. He smiled his widest smile. Nanase slid the door open and with the same flat expression he always wore, welcomed Rin inside.

Rin excused himself and scrambled out of his shoes.

They ate mackerel for dinner. Nanase’s mother said it was his favorite. Rin preferred squid. Afterwards they went up to Nanase’s room to play and stayed up past the hour his mother said was time to sleep. Eventually Nanase’s eyes began to close, no matter how much fun they were having. He bathed and dressed for bed. Rin did the same. His hair dried stringy. He lay down on the futon laid out for him.

It was awful to sleep in a strange house, even if the house belonged to Nanase’s parents. Even if Nanase was sleeping only a few feet away. Rin could hear him breathing. He hadn't brought his favorite pillow from home because he hadn't wanted to seem like a child, but how much worse would it be to cry in front of Nanase?

Rin’s nerves got the better of him. He clutched his stomach and heard his teeth chatter. After a little while the covers rustled and Nanase said,

“If you're cold, you can sleep with me.”

Rin didn't want to sleep with him. He didn't want Nanase to tell the others that he couldn't sleep one night away from home. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it were Tachibana or Nagisa offering. He probably wouldn't mind sharing a bed with them, but not with Nanase.

Not with Haru.

He felt the same disappointment as when his hand slapped the side of the pool a split-second too late. But he didn't have his pillow. It was too dark and too late to go home, and there was nothing he could do. Nothing except push up on his knees and crawl the few feet to Nanase’s side.

He felt angry. He felt relieved.

“Your bed is too small,” said Rin.

“It won't matter once you're asleep,” Nanase mumbled and turned over.

* * *

That night, Rin dreamed he swam through a vast underwater landscape the color of twilight. He’d dreamed about swimming countless times; he had dreamed he was under water before. He wasn't sure what it was about that particular dream that felt different, but he knew he wasn't alone. Nanase’s arms cut through the deep. He was otherworldly when he swam, curving his body and darting away like a fish.

Rin chased Nanase through the dark to shallower depths where it became bright, where the sunlight painted a fractured pattern on the sandy ocean floor. Rin held out his arms so the sun could warm them and Nanase thrust his head up for air.

They could both stand here. The water came up to their chests. Nanase looked at him and shook the water from his eyes.

“Caught you,” Rin said triumphantly.

“You didn't. I stopped for air.”

And then he dived under again, slipping easily into the water as if it were a part of him, as though he were fluid himself—his arms, his legs becoming extended, feathered at his toes and fingertips like fins. Rin tried to chase after him a second time but the deeper he went, the darker it became. Blind, he clutched himself in the dark, dark cold wishing he would wake up.

Nanase looked at him strangely the next morning. Rin felt alien as he ate his rice.

“What?” he said finally.

“I dreamed about you,” Nanase said. “You were chasing me. Like a shark after blood.”

“What a boring dream,” Rin laughed nervously.

Nanase didn't say anything more after that. He waved when Rin left.

On the walk to the train station, Rin considered what Nanase had told him. It wasn’t so strange they’d have similar dreams. Rin had dreamed about him before, after all, and they regularly raced against each other. That they’d had the same dream was probably because they’d had to share such a puny bed.

He put it out of his mind and focused on the two weeks left before he departed for Australia.

* * *

He brought the pillow with him to Sydney. His host parents, Russell and Lori, picked him up at the airport, so welcoming and familiar he was overwhelmed, but he forced a smile and got into the car.

While unpacking, he inexplicably found a sakura petal stuck to his goggles. The sight stole his breath; he hadn’t realized they’d started to bloom before he left. He carefully picked it off and laid it on the window sill, in the bedroom that would be his at Russell and Lori’s house. He didn't want to tell them the petal was important. But if he left it there, would they understand what it meant to him? Or would they sweep it out the window when they dusted?

He finished unpacking his clothes into an old dresser, setting out his toothbrush and soap in the hallway bathroom, and returned to stand by the window, looking out onto the street. There were no sakura trees here. He hid the petal in the pages of a travel guide.

* * *

He dreamed of Nanase that first night. He was standing in the place they had stood after the relay, but the surface of the water was still. The lights were off. There was no one watching. Nanase dived into the water with hardly a splash. Rin walked to the edge of the pool so his toes hung over.

Water sloshed gently against the sides of the pool as Nanase cut through it, swimming lap after lap without tiring. He swam so beautifully Rin thought he would cry—from joy, from envy, from the suffocating loneliness of being in a foreign country. Rin didn’t need water the way that Nanase did, but the dream compelled him to jump and the water reached for him like his mother’s arms.

Nanase swam toward him.

“Did you get there safely?” he said, as clearly as if they stood on land.

But Rin’s mouth was filled with water. He couldn’t speak. He reached out a hand and woke sputtering.

* * *

He found a postcard with a picture of the opera house and the ocean. Lori gave him a stamp. _Hello from Australia_ , he wrote in English, along with the names of his hosts and the dog and an account of the cooling weather.

He regretted sending it, but he couldn't take it back once he’d dropped it in the post box. What would Nanase think when he received it? Rin’s stomach felt sour. Maybe he’d get lucky and the postcard would be lost in the mail.

* * *

“I couldn’t read what you wrote,” Nanase said in a dream two weeks later. They had their legs in the pool. They always seemed to meet here.

Rin kicked his feet and leaned back on his hands. He didn’t have water in his mouth today. “Ask Tachibana to read it to you.”

Nanase mumbled something he couldn’t understand.

“Speak clearly,” Rin said.

“I said I don’t want to show it to him.”

“Why not?”

“No reason.”

“I wrote that I miss you,” Rin said, although he hadn’t.

Nanase looked straight ahead, down a lane in the pool. “The sakura are finished blooming.”

* * *

The excitement of Australia quickly tarnished, and Rin soon found he was a mediocre swimmer at best in spite of his efforts. His legs were too weak; he dropped his elbows on the return. But he was determined to see his dream through, too embarrassed to tell his mother he wanted to come home, too proud to lose face in front of Gou or Sousuke. He worked harder than he ever had, at swimming and English and smiling even when his heart ached. He woke at 4:30am to be at practice before school, and swam another three hours each afternoon, leaving a few hours for homework and sleep.

The letter arrived from Japan a month later. Rin’s face grew warm when he saw Nanase’s handwriting on the envelope. He locked his bedroom door and lay down on the bed to read it, feeling it was important no one look at him while he did. He was careful not to tear the envelope as he opened it, stabbing his tongue between his lips to help him concentrate.

It was early summertime back home, Nanase had written. He’d been swimming in the ocean every day even though the water was still cold. His mother nagged him that he’d fall ill. He was going to purchase a new swimsuit and asked if they ate mackerel in Australia.

It was a funny sort of letter, a very _Haru_ sort of letter, and made Rin feel strange all over, as though he were coming down with a summer fever. He put it back into the envelope and put the envelope in a drawer.

* * *

“I’m worried I made a mistake,” he confessed the next time he saw him. They floated on their backs in adjacent lanes in the dark, but it was pleasant and not at all frightening. The sounds of their splashing echoed off of the tall ceiling.

“A mistake?” Nanase said.

Rin kicked off of the wall and propelled backwards, rejoicing in the rush of water around him. “Won’t it be your birthday soon, Nanase?”

“I guess.”

“Will you want anything from me?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Nanase muttered. “What did you mean by a mistake?”

“You don’t want candy or something?”

Nanase huffed. “You’re the one who brought it up.”

Rin supposed it wouldn’t hurt to tell him the truth in this place, even if it was humiliating. To Nanase, this was no more than a dream. If he remembered what Rin said tomorrow, he wouldn’t believe it was anything more than his own imagination.

“Maybe I should’ve stayed,” Rin said.

“In Japan?” Nanase sounded surprised. “You don’t like your school?

“It’s not the school.”

“Then what?” Nanase said. He’d drifted next to Rin again and turned his face to look at him. One of his eyes caught the moonlight.

“Your eyes are like the water,” Rin said.

Nanase looked away and up. “Kids used to make fun of me.”

“Because your eyes are blue?”

“Why don’t you like Australia?”

Rin turned his gaze toward the sky as well. “Maybe the dream I want is too big, you know?”

“I don’t have a dream.”

“There has to be something you _want_.”

Nanase took a long time answering. “Maybe a postcard for my birthday. In _Japanese_.”

“Have you read the last one yet?”

“I had Makoto help me. You lied.”

“About what?”

“What you wrote.” Nanase kicked his feet and passed Rin, floating toward the wall. “If you’re unhappy there, will you come home?”

“No.”

“What about at the holidays?”

“I promised my mom I’d visit during summer break. Winter there.”

“Will I see you?” Nanase asked.

“I don’t know. That’s months from now. I’ll call you when I’m back.”

“You don’t know the number.”

“Tell me,” Rin said and repeated the string until he’d memorized it, until he woke up.

* * *

For Nanase’s thirteenth birthday, Rin sent another postcard of the harbor. Nanase received it two days early.

“Makoto is coming over,” he said when Rin asked about his plans.

Rin had always liked Tachibana and didn’t understand why he frowned. “Oh.”

“You signed the postcard ‘Rin,’” Nanase said.

“So?”

“Last time you used your full name.”

Rin wondered if this was a sort of rejection, Nanase’s way of keeping the distance between them. Rin could never hope to beat him if he was always in his shadow. But part of him had hoped they were becoming friends and that stung too.

“Is it no good?” he asked.

Nanase looked him in the eyes. “Call me Haru.”

Rin felt a great sense of pride well up in his chest. “Not Haruka?” he teased.

“I don't like that name,” Haru said.

They swam until sun rose in the dream and Haru had to leave. “Later,” he said and walked out of the door, leaving Rin alone in the swimming pool.

He woke sweating.

* * *

As the weather warmed following a cold July, the school year moved quickly, and Rin was soon boarding a plane for Japan for his summer break. He called Haru his first day home, but he’d already gone to the swim club. Rin left a message with Haru’s father with a time and place and his own number, in case Haru would like to call him back.

Gou and his mother were delighted to have him home. His mother made barbecue to celebrate. Gou spent the first evening asking him questions about school and training and looking through his photographs of Australia. The phone didn’t ring.

The next morning, Rin dressed and ran to the swim center before Gou could ask to come with him. He was stopped by a passing train. Once the breeze calmed, he found Haru staring at him over the crossing. He looked the way he did in dreams, a little taller, in a long dark coat.

“Yo,” Rin said, tugging at the scarf around his neck. It was hot in Australia and the sudden change in seasons had him shivering. “Did you get my message?”

Haru moved his head in a jerky nod. “My father said you called.”

“Do you have your swimsuit?”

Haru nodded again and they waited in silence for the crossing gates to lift. His face was pink from the cold, eyes as blue as Rin remembered.

“How’s Australia?” Haru asked when they were walking down the same sidewalk toward the swim club.

Rin wasn't about to lose face in front of him.

“Amazing,” he said. “I train six days a week. Coach says I’m making great progress.”

Haru didn’t miss a step, but he fell out of rhythm for a few strides, and after that he didn’t speak again until they had reached the swim center. They changed without looking at each other. Rin snuck glances at him. Haru’s body looked the same as it had when they’d won the relay, no larger, no more or less muscular.

He beat Rin with lifeless eyes. Rin cried on his knees beside the swimming pool.

It had been a waste, every minute of it. He’d trained harder than he ever had, forsaken his home and his family for a dream, and for what? To lose to Haru, to cry in front of him. Rin was humiliated. He never wanted to see this swim club again. He wanted to forget Haru’s face and the way he looked slicing through water. He crushed his goggles and stomped out of the pool, feet making angry slaps on the wet tile.

“Rin!” Haru ran after him down the corridor. “Rin, what’s wrong?”

Was Haru so selfish he couldn’t understand? Did he think everyone was like him and only swam for the fun of it? Rin seethed and whipped around with a fist.

“All of the work I put in and I can’t even beat someone who doesn’t care if he wins or loses. What was the point of me even going?”

“But I thought you said it was going well?”

All Rin could see was a lifetime of dreams turning black and blowing away like ash. Everything that had been important to him—gone. He thought he would be sick.

“I don't want to swim anymore,” he said. “I'm done.”

“What? How can you say that?”

Rin hated Haruka Nanase. He hated the pitying look on his face, the concern in his voice, the way he’d taken a step closer to Rin and put a hand on his shoulder. Rin threw it off, and in his anger went to swing the fist that Haru caught.

“ _Rin_.”

That name. Today was the first Haru had used it face to face, and Rin staggered.

Haru grabbed his shoulders. “Rin. It’s not a mistake.”

“I never said anything about a mistake.”

“I don’t mean your postcards. They’re real, aren’t they? The dreams.”

Haru was looking at him with more intensity than Rin had ever seen. He found himself unable to lie anymore. His arms went limp, the fight bleeding out of his feet.

“I—I think so.”

“How?” Haru said.

“I don’t know. My mom said my dad could do it too.”

Haru’s pupils had gone so wide his eyes were like storms. He put his arms around Rin and tucked his face against his neck. “Rin, don't give up.”

He smelled like chlorine. Rin’s eyes fluttered closed. There was heat underneath his eyelashes and he bit his lip in shame.

“Don't give up,” Haru said again.

“Let go.”

Haru squeezed him and then stepped back, rubbing at his cheeks with the inside of his wrist. He angled his head to look out of the windows in the long hallway.

“Come home with me. My mother's making dinner.”

“Haru…”

“She already said it's okay. You can stay the night or we can take you to your house later.”

“I don't have a change of clothes.”

“You can borrow mine.”

“Even your underwear?” Rin said. Haru’s ears went a little more pink.

“They're clean,” he mumbled.

Rin considered it. He was home for an entire two weeks. His mother would understand if he spent one of those nights with a friend. Is that what Haru was?

“Fine,” he said, “but I'm sleeping in your bed.”

He’d meant to claim it for himself, but come nightfall he found himself face-to-face with Haru on the same bed where they'd lain all those months ago. Rin had on one of Haru’s t-shirts. It hugged his arms.

“I look better in this than you,” Rin said.

“No, you don't.”

“Jealous?”

“Rin…” Haru watched him seriously. “Have you done it with anyone else?”

Rin’s eyebrows shot skyward. He had heard about this sort of thing but had no experience. Was Haru like that? Better question, was he? He'd never really thought about it, but the idea made his stomach flip. Haru was looking at him steadily in what little light came into the room through the window. Rin licked his lips.

“Done...what?”

“The dreams.”

“Oh.” The answer hit him like the starting signal when his concentration was poor. “With my sister and mother.”

“Not your friends?”

“I don't think so. Not that I remember, anyway. How did you know they were real?”

“At first I thought they must have happened because I missed you, but then I got your postcard.”

“You missed me?” Rin said, surprised.

“You left so suddenly,” Haru mumbled. “You knew they were real? The whole time?”

“I wasn't trying to deceive you.”

“I don't think that about you.” Haru closed his eyes. “Do you think tonight...we’ll…”

He didn't say any more after that.

It was two hours later than Rin was usually awake, but tonight it was hard to fall asleep. He looked at the ceiling in the dark for a while and finally got out of the bed, poking around Haru's bookshelves, thumbing through his sketchbooks. Haru drew a lot during the winter, sketches of a boy who looked somewhat like Rin. Feeling suddenly feverish, Rin put the book back onto the shelf.

* * *

Across the next year, he wouldn't see Haru for days and then he would appear, floating out of the darkness as though he’d been simply out of sight. After the nights Rin dreamed about him, he was able to focus better in school and during training. Dreams couldn't hone his muscles, but they could strengthen his mind, and within half a year he was throwing fewer tantrums when he lost and focusing on improving his technique.

By the time he returned to Japan for his second holiday, he was a head taller and the residual baby fat had burned away. He shivered in a coat that didn't quite cover his wrists and ran for the swim club.

They hadn't bothered with phones this time. Haru was waiting as he’d promised inside the glass doors. His face was longer than Rin remembered and he’d grown taller too. His chin fit over Rin’s shoulder when they hugged, something Rin did without thinking. They broke apart, embarrassed, when a girl down the hall laughed.

“How was your flight?” Haru muttered.

Rin stretched his arms in front of him, cracking his fingers, and grinned with all of his teeth. “I got a window seat.”

Haru didn’t seem impressed. “They're finishing up a class and then we can swim.”

“Let's watch,” Rin said and they stood with the coach at the side of the pool.

“Matsuoka, you're getting big,” Coach Sasabe said. “Do you think he'll beat you this year, Nanase?”

“It doesn't matter,” Haru said, looking at the pool.

He won, but not by much. Rin glared at him, panting.

“You're _faster_ ,” he accused.

Haru’s chest heaved with every breath. His mouth was open.

“Again?” he said.

It wasn't pity. There was a spark in Haru’s eyes that Rin followed back to the starting blocks. No one in Australia swam the way Haru did. The water was an extension of him, not something he conquered. The second time, Rin’s hand slapped the wall first, but Haru’s face remained impassive even when Rin began to gloat.

“Beat you.”

“I don't care about my time,” Haru said.

“Aren’t you mad you lost?”

“No.” Haru shook the water from his eyes. His expression hadn’t changed and the lack of reaction infuriated Rin more than losing in the first place.

“Do you care about _anything_?” he yelled, sending a wave of water at him. He wished he hadn’t when hurt flashed like a fish through Haru’s eyes. But he didn't apologize, and Haru didn't get out of the pool even though Rin feared he would. He stared at Rin over the divider.

“Let’s swim.”

Haru sunk below the surface and glided away. Rin filled his lungs and chased after him.

It didn’t seem to matter to Haru whether Rin was behind him or in front of him. He never changed his speed. Occasionally they locked eyes and Rin felt that Haru could see through him, that he had become transparent.

They swam past exhaustion, until Rin’s legs ached and his arms wouldn’t pull him through the water any longer. He held onto Haru’s hand to climb out of the pool, and Haru put an arm around his back when Rin’s knees knocked together.

“Don’t,” Rin spit out. Coach Sasabe was watching from the far end where he was putting away floatation devices. If he realized what Rin had done, he’d scold him.

“You overdid it,” Haru said.

Hearing him say it made things worse. Rin struggled away from Haru and used the nearest wall to hold himself up while his muscles recovered. Behind his shoulder, Haru said, “Are you still coming to my house?”

“I brought clothes.”

“The others want to see you.”

Rin didn’t want to see anyone but Haru right now. “Did you invite them?” he asked.

“No.” Haru sounded the slightest bit uncertain. “Can you walk?”

“I’m not a baby.”

“Do what you want. I’m going to change.”

Rin followed him on wobbly legs to the changing room. In the shower, he adjusted the water to almost scalding and let it beat feeling back into his muscles. He knew better than to push himself to this point. He’d done it a couple times when he’d first arrived in Australia, and the coach had lectured what Rin told himself now: continuously pushing himself to exhaustion would only lead to burnout, not improvement. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself from matching Haru stroke for stroke.

“Do you want me to rub your legs?” Haru asked. Rin shut off the water and wrapped himself in a towel.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

Haru poked his head into the shower. “I’m not laughing at you. Makoto does it for me sometimes.”

Rin frowned at the image of Makoto touching him. “Maybe...at your house.”

“Coach said he’ll drive us. He’s locking up.”

They sat in silence in the back seat. Rin felt like a child for the way he’d behaved, but he greeted Haru’s mother politely and held onto Haru up the stairs.

His bedroom hadn’t changed. It was a good room, with a desk and a window overlooking the yard. Haru told him to lie on the bed and brought a towel, and used it to cover Rin’s legs as he rubbed them.

How humiliating to be taken care of by Haruka Nanase. Wasn't it bad enough to lose to him? How was Rin supposed to compete against him seriously when Haru continued to see him as a child?

It was his own fault. Haru was right about Rin pushing himself too far. He had been showing off. From the moment the wheels had touched down on the runway in Tottori, he'd believed something about this year would be different. Haru would see how different he was—how much stronger. How much more Rin wanted this. In the end, Rin had been the one to see the change in Haru, who still swam only for pleasure and better than Rin could.

Haru’s fingers were warm through the towel. His thumb pressed into Rin’s inner thigh and all of the blood rushed to his groin. “That hurts,” Rin lied, grateful he was lying on his stomach. Haru repositioned his hands.

“Sorry. Is this better?”

Rin nodded and burrowed his face in a pillow. It smelled like Haru. That didn’t help. He held his breath and counted to fifty.

“At the pool, you were showing off,” Haru said.

“So?”

“Isn’t it enough to swim together?” He sighed and moved to Rin’s calves. “Your legs are getting strong.”

“Coach has me doing drills to improve my kick. Hey, that tickles!”

“I’m almost done.”

Rin thrashed his legs, forcing Haru to let go of him. With a frustrated sound, Haru moved to his desk and folded his hands together. Sitting up, Rin studied him from the bed. Haru looked angry. Rin would be foolish to ruin their one day together.

“Hey, Haru…” he said, trying to think of something to talk about. “Did you know our names don't sound so girly in English? Everyone in Australia assumes Rin is a boy's name.”

“It is a boy's name,” Haru said. “It's your name and you're a boy.”

“No one uses honorifics, is what I mean. They just call me Rin.”

“Everyone?”

Rin couldn't interpret the expression on Haru’s face, so he had to guess that the familiarity bothered him. “It's different there.”

“I know it's different!”

“I call my homestay family by their first names too. If you come see me, they'll all call you Haru.”

“Better than Haruka.”

“Would you come visit?” Rin asked. Haru raised and dropped one shoulder.

“That's far away.”

Rin stretched out on his back and kicked a foot in the air. “Yeah.” He sniffed. Hopefully his pride wouldn't result in a cold. “Should we make another time capsule?”

“What for?”

“You and me. We can add to it when I'm back.”

“What’s the point?” Haru said and Rin frowned, flopping onto his side so he wasn't looking at him anymore.

“Sorry it's a stupid idea,” he mumbled.

“No, I really don't understand. I get to see you, so I don't need to bury something and hope you'll come back.”

For a few seconds, Rin though his heart had stopped beating.

“Is that why you agreed last time?” he said.

Haru shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Well...we should do _something_ special when I come back.”

“I thought we were.”

Haru had turned his face away. The ear Rin could see was red. Guilty over upsetting him more, Rin rubbed his nose.

“Haru…”

From downstairs, his mother called them for dinner. Rin scrambled for the door. His legs felt better but he still used the wall for support.

“What were you going to say?” Haru asked, getting up.

“Nothing.”

Haru twisted his mouth but didn't press him.

Dinner was pork. His mother left them to clean up afterwards. “She works early,” Haru explained, wrist-deep in dishwater. “Do you want to watch something before bed?”

“Sure.”

They stole a can of beer from the refrigerator and split it in the dark, in Haru’s room. Instead of swimming footage, he surprised Rin by choosing an action movie. They passed the beer back and forth, trading sips. It tasted bitter and left a bad flavor on the back of his tongue.

“I don't feel any different,” Rin said through a yawn. It was the first beer he’d ever drunk but he’d expected to feel _something_. What a disappointment. He tapped the laptop with his foot.

“Don't kick it,” Haru muttered. “It’s my mother’s.”

They were slumped together against the wall. If Haru leaned any farther into Rin’s side, Rin could fall out of the window if it were open. The sky was dark, the air off of the glass many degrees cooler than the room. In Australia, he could sleep with the windows open this time of year.

Haru rubbed his eyes. “I'm not paying attention. What's happening?”

“I don't know. You should hide the can.”

“I'll take it down in the morning. My mother won’t come in.”

“Should I turn the movie off?”

When Haru didn’t answer, Rin closed the laptop and set it on the desk. They hadn’t changed into sleepwear. Haru was wearing a t-shirt and track pants he probably wore to and from practice. His feet were bare. They were quite elegant, as feet went, but then everything about Haru was graceful. The dark of his eyelashes, the way his neck bent with the weight of his head dropped toward one shoulder.

“I’ve always admired you,” Rin said. He hadn’t meant to. He thought he’d told his mouth not to open, but the words came out anyway. “Since the first time I saw you swim, I thought, ahh, there is someone faster than me.”

“What are you talking about?” Haru’s words came out all together, like his tongue was swollen. Rin startled.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“You’re loud.”

Haru’s mother had put out an extra futon for Rin when she’d gone up to bed. It was still folded by the wall. “We should get under the blankets,” Rin said. “It’s cold.”

They covered themselves to their shoulders. Rin could feel Haru’s breath on his cheek and squeezed his eyes shut. His mouth continued to betray him.

“I don’t know if I could swim without you,” he whispered.

Haru mumbled something unintelligible and the next thing Rin knew, they were staring at one another across a lane divider.

Haru watched him through new eyes. And he swam, Rin thought, harder than he usually did. Come morning, their ankles were crossed beneath the blanket and Haru was staring at him.

“How are your legs?” he said.

“Fine.”

It would be time for Rin to leave soon. They wouldn’t do this again for a year.

“We didn’t finish the movie,” he said—not because he wanted to watch it, but because he didn’t want to get up. Haru took the computer from his desk and opened it on his stomach. Sometimes their feet touched under the blanket and that was funny, and the way Haru’s arm touched Rin’s felt warm. He smelled good in the morning. Strong. He had no scent in their dreams.

“What are you doing?” Haru asked when Rin put his nose to Haru’s throat.

“Remembering,” Rin said.

* * *

He took it with him back to Australia, the memory of that lazy morning and of Haru’s arms when they hugged goodbye in his room, the controlled look in his eyes that was nothing like the way he’d looked at Rin while they were asleep. Rin had smiled as widely as he could and run for the station.

Back in Australia, he used the money his mother had given him for new year’s to buy a cheap cell phone. Gou and Sousuke emailed him every day. Their messages were never long, but they made Rin feel connected to home even though he was thousands and thousands of kilometers away.

Haru rarely wrote him back. When he did, he sent pictures: the ocean as it had appeared during his morning run, light striking the surface and making it appear pale blue. Or the fish he’d grilled for dinner on a night his parents weren’t home.

Rin celebrated his fourteenth birthday in Sydney and sent home pictures of the caramel cake Lori had made him. Gou sent pictures of the cat, Sousuke a voice message. Haru sent a picture he’d taken of the tree at their elementary school on his way to practice.

And two months later, just as the sakura were beginning to bloom, the swim club in Iwatobi closed its doors for good.

* * *

Haru stopped replying to his messages.

That wouldn't have been so bad except he’d stopped coming into dreams as well. After a month, the longest they’d ever gone without speaking, Rin thought about calling his house, but international calls were expensive. He didn’t have time for a job on top of school and swimming, and he wasn't sure what he should say, if it was appropriate to express concern or better if he not insert himself where he wasn’t wanted.

Haru’s rejection left him cold and angry. He took that anger to the water, setting a new personal best for the 100 meter crawl. By the end of May, he’d stopped checking for new messages and dreamed about the ocean, of reading books to Gou the way their father used to.

Haru was still the only person besides his family whose dreams he could visit. He had never managed it with Sousuke, not with Lori or with Russell, or any of the people he went to school with here. That's not to say he didn't dream about them, but the Sousuke in his dreams was not Sousuke any more than the water was real.

Rin didn’t enter the building with the pool anymore.

Two weeks before Haru’s fifteenth birthday, Rin sent a letter. He bragged about lap times and the progress he was making with his butterfly stroke. About the two extra inches he’d gained in height since December. He included a photograph of himself with his host family taken at a recent competition. He and Haru had never exchanged pictures of one another but Rin was determined that Haru see he was fine on his own. He sent the photograph where his own smile was the widest.

Winter in Australia greeted September and ended. Rin looked forward to the jacaranda blooms that would turn parts of the city purple. But they couldn't replace springtime in Japan, the delicate fall of sakura petals like snow. The spring semester wound to a close and Rin prepared for another return trip. Two weeks at home. He worried that being away for so long might stall his progress, but his coach advised the rest.

Rin bought cheap souvenirs for his family and for Sousuke, and even something for Haru who didn't deserve it.

Haru was standing at the baggage claim in Tottori, wearing a new jacket that fell to his knees and a guilty look. Rin wheeled his suitcase toward him.

“What are you doing here?” he said.

Haru looked at the floor. “I called your mother to find out when you were coming home. She’s waiting with the car.”

“You could’ve asked me.”

“I wasn't sure if you’d talk to me anymore.”

“You…” Rin felt so angry he wanted to punch him, but seeing Haru had made his eyes water. He put an arm around him even though they were in the middle of the airport. “I’m back.”

“Welcome home.”

They held onto each other for a while. Haru smelled the way Rin remembered. He took in three lungfuls and afterwards didn't feel angry anymore so much as confused. He wiped his eyes.

“Are you ready to go?” Haru said.

“I need the bathroom.”

“I’ll watch your bags.”

His mother hugged him on the sidewalk outside of the airport and put his suitcase into the trunk. Rin sat with Haru in the back seat and listened to Gou’s report of what he’d missed: her progress in science—she had a fascination with anatomy. Steve’s failed attempt to catch a mouse.

“Are we taking you home?” Rin asked Haru as they neared Iwatobi.

“Haruka is staying with us,” his mother said. “He’s offered to cook.”

Haru was quiet during the car ride. When they arrived at home, he helped carry Rin’s bags to his room and stood awkwardly in front of the closed door, preventing Rin from leaving unless he physically moved Haru out of the way. Rin came within a foot of him.

“Why did you stop answering me?”

Haru shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“What happened?”

Another shake. Rin was tired of his silence. He shoved Haru against the door, feeling a little thrill when he cringed.

“Tell me.”

“You said that you admire me. I’m not...you shouldn’t have said that.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Haru wouldn’t look at him. “Swimming is something that’s always come easily to me. But you train every day. You know what you want to do and you’re working toward that dream. I don’t have anything like that.”

“I thought you didn't care about dreams.”

“I know there will be a day we won’t be able to swim together anymore. I don’t want that.”

Rin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He tightened his grip on Haru’s arms and got in his face. “So you cut me out of your life?”

“I wanted to catch up to you.” For the first time since leaving the airport, Haru looked him in the eye. “You were in another country experiencing all sorts of new things and I wasn’t going anywhere. I thought I could work harder. But then the swim club closed. You sent me that letter about everything you’ve accomplished and I thought you were leaving me behind. You even stopped coming to see me.”

“I waited for you. For a _month_ ,” Rin hissed under his breath so his mother wouldn’t hear. “You could’ve emailed me, at least.”

“I dropped my phone in the ocean. By the time I'd saved up for a new one, I didn't know what to say.”

“That you’re an idiot?” Rin dropped his forehead to Haru’s shoulder. Even through the coat he could feel it was bony, as if Haru hadn’t been eating properly. “Don't ignore me again.”

“I won’t,” Haru said, with enough emotion that Rin believed him. He relaxed his grip on Haru’s arms.

“Are you staying?”

“Yes.”

“Then take off your coat. If you’re cold, you can borrow something from my closet. What are you making for dinner?”

“Mackerel with miso.”

Rin snorted. “You know there are other fish.”

“You don’t have to eat it.”

“Lori’s been teaching me how to cook. I’ll give you a hand.”

Miso gave the mackerel a pleasing flavor even though it was mackerel. Rin ate seconds. They fell asleep with their backs touching and Rin woke to Haru’s arm over him. He gave off enough heat Rin hardly needed the blanket, but he pretended to sleep for a few more minutes and burrowed into him with his heart pounding.

“Stop moving,” Haru mumbled and held him closer.

There was no swim club where they could race that winter, but when Rin suggested an early run, Haru pulled on a fleece hat and ran beside him in the cold.

* * *

That spring, Haru and Tachibana resurrected the swim team at Iwatobi High. “It was Makoto's idea,” Haru said, and though he turned his face in seeming disinterest, his cheeks were pink. He sent photographs of the pool as they restored it, as the sun warmed the water and Haru counted the days until he could swim.

He sent a picture of the last day as well, in early October when he'd been ordered to drain it. He had turned the camera around for a rare self portrait. His lips were blue. Withered leaves floated on the surface.

Rin saved the picture to his phone. He looked at it when he couldn't focus in class, or before a meet when he needed to get his blood going. Haru had taken this picture for him and even though it was only a photograph, sometimes Rin swore Haru’s eyes followed him from the screen. That the corner of his mouth ticked up in a tiny smile.

A restless energy thrummed in his body on the return trip to Japan in December. From the second the plane touched down, Rin couldn't wait to turn his phone back on. He messaged his mother first. She had gotten caught up with work and asked him to take the train. She and Gou were preparing his favorite foods and suggested he invite his friends.

He called Haru while he waited for his bag, huddled in a winter coat. He held his breath until Haru answered.

“Where are you?” he said.

“Airport. Why are you out of breath?”

“The phone was in the other room.”

Rin laughed. “My mom invited you guys for dinner. I’ll message Sousuke. Can you call the others? I don’t have Tachibana’s number.”

“Sure.”

“Is it okay if it’s not just us?” Rin said.

“Why wouldn’t it be okay?”

“I don’t know. Your voice sounded strange.”

“What time?” Haru said.

“If I can catch the next train, I’ll be home in an hour.”

“I’ll message you after I talk with Makoto,” Haru said and hung up.

The line for customs took so long he missed the train, but there was a bus leaving thirteen minutes later, so Rin bought a ticket and boarded. _On our way_ , Haru messaged.

Rin hoped they might meet him at the bus station, but there was no one waiting when he arrived. A cold wind blew in from the ocean that went straight to his bones. He wheeled his suitcase through the city as fast as he could. One of the wheels squeaked and made it harder to pull. His nose was running by the time he got home.

From the street outside of his house, he heard several voices. The most excited was likely Nagisa, the deepest Sousuke. Another, more calm, Tachibana. Gou laughed and Rin slid open the door.

“Oniisan!” she said.

She was standing in the entry. Tachibana and Nagisa were behind her in socked feet. Haru stood further back with Sousuke, closer to the opening to the living room, and turned his head when Rin caught his eye. Rin took off his cap.

“Hey.”

“Rin-chan! It’s been so long!” Nagisa hugged him the way he’d done when they were kids. He’d as soon give up his fondness for cutesy names as Haru would give up swimming. There was no point in reprimanding him. Rin sighed and patted his back.

“Tachibana,” he said. “It’s been a while.”

“Call me Makoto. How’s Australia?”

“Warmer,” Rin said. “I froze walking across town.”

Makoto and Nagisa laughed. Gou hugged Rin, who indulged her, and Sousuke slapped his shoulder.

“Good to have you back.”

“I’ll run my bag upstairs. See you in a minute,” Rin said. The others smiled and went with Gou into the house, leaving Rin and Haru alone with Steve, who had lumbered in from the living room.

Rin rubbed the back of his neck, waiting for Haru to hug him the way he had last year, but he didn’t come closer. “Thanks for calling those guys.”

“Sure.”

“I’m just going to…” Rin pointed toward his room.

He thought Haru might follow him, but he went into the living room with the others. Rin washed his face and changed before greeting his mother.

“So much taller,” she said, pressing a hand to her mouth. She had an apron over her work clothes and looked older around her eyes. “You look like your father.”

Rin swallowed, motioning to the spread on the counter. “You didn’t have to make all this.”

“You’re only home once a year. Go and spend time with your friends. The food’s almost ready.”

Haru was quiet through dinner, watching Rin across the table. Sousuke and Nagisa kept up the conversation. Nagisa peppered Rin with questions about his training regimen and whether he’d seen a wild koala (not in Sydney), and Sousuke berated him for not keeping in better touch.

“I left you three messages last week, Rin. Too important for your friends now?”

Makoto laughed the way he did when he was trying to smooth over a situation. “I’m sure Rin’s schedule doesn’t leave much room for fun.”

“He talks to me,” Haru mumbled and Rin’s eyes widened.

“Haru, you answer your _phone_?” Makoto said.

“Sometimes.”

“That’s how it is, Rin?” Sousuke said. “You’ll talk to _this_ guy?”

“I have a name,” Haru said under his breath. Sousuke gave him a tired look.

“It’s not like I call him,” Rin said, thrusting a hand into his hair.

Nagisa clapped his hands together. “Then...Haru-chan, you call Rin-chan?”

“Haru,” Makoto said, sounding touched.

Sousuke put an elbow into Rin’s side. “You pick up when he calls?”

Haru snorted into his glass.

“Uh,” said Rin, with no way to explain, and was saved by his sister presenting a tray of cake and fruit.

Nagisa and Makoto left after dessert, wishing Rin another successful year and requesting pictures of a koala if he should see one. Gou and his mother excused themselves a few minutes past nine. Sousuke had an appointment in the morning and couldn’t stay over, but he made Rin promise to call before he left the country. At four minutes past ten o’clock, Haru and Rin were looking at each other across the width of Rin’s bedroom.

“Earlier, why did you pick a fight with Sousuke?” Rin said.

Haru held his arms straight at his sides and looked at the floor. “I don’t know.”

“He’s my oldest friend. I wish you would get along.”

“Sorry.”

He didn’t sound sorry. “Do you want to bathe first?” Rin said and grew annoyed when Haru shrugged, but asking the cause of his mood would likely make it worse. “You go now. I need to unpack.”

Haru took his time in the bath. Rin had put away his clothes and was lying on the bed reading when he came back in a towel around his hips.

Rin made a disapproving noise. “What if my sister had seen you like that?”

“This covers more than my swimsuit.”

Haru dropped the towel to change. Rin glanced at his body and turned away. Though they'd changed in front of each other plenty of times as kids, Rin felt shy, anxious about what would happen once they were in his bed. They were both so much larger this year they couldn't help touching. A part of him was scared, the other exhilarated.

But when he returned from his own bath, Haru was in the futon on the floor and had already turned the lights out. Rin scowled.

“Will you be warm enough?” he said, stepping over him. He crawled into his own bed, hissing at the first slither of icy sheets.

“I’m fine.”

Normally they would watch a movie or talk for a while, but Haru lay facing away from him.

“Then...goodnight?” Rin said.

“Night.”

After that the room felt too quiet. Rin should have been tired from the trip, but he had trouble falling asleep. For a long time he looked out of the window and finally opened his cell phone, checking messages and poking around the internet. Sometimes he glanced at Haru. He’d rolled over so Rin could see his face. He was beautiful when he slept, blue in the moonlight as though he were under water. Rin would probably see him if he went to sleep, but closing his eyes felt like a loss with Haru here with him, even if he was in a bad mood and sleeping on the floor tonight.

Rin looked to Haru and then his phone, back to Haru and then his phone again. He opened the camera and took a closeup of his face as he slept. Haru moved a little and Rin startled as though he’d been caught doing something illegal. And while he felt guilty, he didn't delete the photo.

* * *

For the next two weeks, Rin caught up on sleep, visited Sousuke’s house, and took Gou shopping in Tottori. On the mildest day, he climbed the hill to their father’s grave and spent an hour at the top sitting next to the grave marker. The sky was overcast, clouds blotting out any patch of blue. The wind off of the water stung his eyes.

The future had always been clear to him, but today it was as murky as the ocean crashing against the cliff face below. Thinking of the Olympics didn’t make him feel good or bad. It didn’t make him feel anything. His heart was as cold as his hands. Was this what his coach called burnout?

Haru’s behavior ate at him. Rin didn’t understand why Haru had acted out, almost like he’d been jealous of Sousuke. What was there to be jealous of? Sousuke was his oldest friend, but he and Haru had something no one else did. He’d left early on Rin’s second day home, saying goodbye and waving over his shoulder without looking back. He hadn’t been to their dreams in days.

Rin felt lonelier than he had in all of the months Haru had ignored him. He didn’t want to leave things the way they were, but he had no idea how to fix them short of barging into Haru’s house and forcing him to talk.

The night before he returned to Australia, he was surprised when Haru called him.

“Can you meet?” he said.

Rin had almost finished packing. He’d planned to get a full night of sleep, but he could sleep on the plane and there was something strange in Haru’s voice.

“Where?”

Haru was waiting near the water, outside of a tackle shop that had closed for the night. His breath came out like fog, backlit by a street light. Rin had bundled in his warmest coat, hands deep in his pockets. He couldn’t wait to return to summer weather tomorrow. Haru turned as he approached.

“Yo, Haru.”

“Sorry to call you out so late.”

“It’s fine. What do you need?”

“I wanted to see you again before you go. The other night…”

Rin didn’t say he thought it was Haru’s fault. “Yeah, I guess we didn't get much of a chance to talk,” he said, dragging his shoe along the ground.

Haru shook his head. “I won't see you for another year.”

“We see each other,” Rin said, though he knew it wasn’t the same.

“What time is your flight?”

“Early.”

“Are you taking the train?”

“My mother’s driving me.”

“Have a safe trip. That’s all I wanted to say.”

Haru smiled faintly, and though he lowered his eyes like he’d leave, he didn't back away. Rin checked to make sure they were alone and pulled Haru into a hug. Haru sighed and tucked his face into Rin’s neck. His ear was cold. The tension Rin had been carrying for two weeks melted.

“I’ll miss you,” he said.

Haru put his arms around Rin’s waist, warm despite the cold blowing off of the water. Rin breathed in time with the waves, with the rise and fall of Haru’s breath. He’d only hugged his mother this long, after the funeral when she’d broken down once they returned home.

He thought about how it had felt to hold Haru as he fell asleep that night, as he hugged his family goodbye the next morning, on the plane as it lifted from the runway. He should've been excited to be going back, but something inside broke, like he was tearing into halves. Tears made the sunrise look brighter with every blink, so bright it was blinding. He put his fingers to the oval window, watching as the houses and trees shrunk to doll-size.

On exiting the plane, the heat he’d been craving felt oppressive. And while he smiled at Lori when she welcomed him back, his heart wasn’t in it.

* * *

He started to wake frustrated after nights he didn’t see him. Those mornings, he’d message Haru and grin like a fool when he had a reply following morning practice, but if Haru didn’t write back, gloom hung over first period and didn’t burn off until lunch.

The morning of Rin’s sixteenth birthday, Russell asked if there was a problem with his love life. “You’re moping,” he said over coffee. “Did you get dumped?”

Rin poked his phone. “I thought Haru would say something by now.”

“Haru? Your friend from back home?”

“The one with blue eyes,” Lori said and winked as she joined them at the table.

“Ah, right,” Russell said. “You know, I thought he was your boyfriend for a while, the way you talked about him when you first got here.”

“Don’t tease him,” said Lori.

“Just so you know, it’s fine by us.”

Rin got a peculiar feeling around his heart and shivered even though he wasn’t cold.

“Boyfriend,” he repeated, laughing. The word was sweet but not his. “Haru’s not like that.”

A message pinged through on his phone: _Happy birthday_ with a picture of Haru beside the ocean. Rin couldn’t have stopped himself from smiling if he’d wanted to.

Russell and Lori shared a knowing look. “Are you sure about that?” Russell said.

* * *

Haru began to pop into his head at inappropriate times, like in the shower or at night when he touched himself. Rin knew what that meant, and while he accepted there was nothing he could do about it, he was mad at himself every time he got off with Haru’s name in his mouth. Sometimes he looked at the pictures, imagining Haru beside him. Those nights, he couldn’t look him in the eye when they met, fearful Haru would know what he’d done and feel disgusted.

Rin’s frustration bled into his training. “Your concentration’s off,” his coach said one evening in April. “Where’s your focus?”

In Japan, in a photograph of fallen sakura petals Haru had sent that morning. Haru’s shoes were in the picture. Rin had traced the outline of his shadow on the bus. It had been windy, Haru’s hair caught in motion.

“I’m sorry,” Rin said.

“Whatever it is, figure it out. I want to try something new. Switch to a dolphin kick for a few laps but keep your freestyle arms. We’re experimenting with this for the end of races because it’s fast. Since you’re strong with the butterfly, it shouldn’t be too hard to get the hang of.”

Rin swam drills for an hour. He dragged himself onto the bus for home, stomach growling in anticipation of the plate Lori would have left for him, and rested his head against the window. He was mostly caught up on his studies. Homework could wait for one night. As soon as he ate, he would shower and go straight to bed.

The motion of the bus must have rocked him to sleep because he blinked and Haru was looking at him.

“I shouldn’t be asleep yet,” Rin said. “I’ll miss my stop.”

“It’s late for you to be leaving practice.”

“Coach was having me work on something new. Why are you asleep already?”

“I have a cold,” Haru said. “Go back. I’ll be waiting.”

Rin’s heart staggered. And when he returned an hour later, Haru extended a hand and Rin felt the sun rise inside of his rib cage.

* * *

That June, Haru turned seventeen and his parents moved away for work.

“You’re going to live alone?” Rin asked.

“I don't mind,” Haru said, diving into the water, but Rin caught a flash of loneliness hidden in the crease between his eyebrows.

“You have Makoto,” Rin said once he'd surfaced. “And you have me.”

“I know.”

“In another year, I'll be home.”

“You're coming back?” Haru sounded hopeful. Rin tried not to fixate on it.

“I want to complete two years of high school in Japan. How will you manage the house?”

“I'm used to chores.”

“What about practice?”

“I'm not quitting,” Haru said. ”Makoto is going to be captain again this year.”

“You don’t want to manage the team?” Rin said and then snorted. “What am I saying, of course you don’t.”

“It’s too much work.”

“I know, I know. You just want to swim freestyle.”

“You’re annoying.”

Rin laughed, but it faded to a sort of melancholy. “I wish you could come to Australia. You'd like it where I train. We could swim together every day, even in winter.”

“I look forward to sleeping,” Haru said. Rin flashed his teeth at him across the pool.

“You want to see me that much?” he said, trying to make it sound like a joke, but Haru looked at him seriously.

“You’re always in my head, Rin. More than water.”

The overhead lights flickered in time with Rin’s heart. Haru couldn’t mean what Rin hoped he did. He pressed a hand to his chest where it ached. “Shouldn’t you say that to the girl you like?”

“I love you. I have for a long time.”

There was a delay between the time Rin heard the words and the time he comprehended them. He was so shocked he couldn't speak. Nothing was more important to him than swimming, but looking at Haru across the pool, Rin didn't care at all about technique or times, only of closing the distance.

Rin couldn't speak but he could cry. Haru swam to him. He made no sound. While Rin stood trembling, Haru’s hands were steady as they framed Rin’s face, holding it still as Haru kissed him. Rin’s first. He shook all over, uncertain whether he was too hot or cold, if the burn in his cheeks came from his blood or Haru’s palms.

He surged closer and their teeth clacked together. A minute of fumbling found an angle where they could breathe. Rin licked love from Haru’s tongue. He tasted like the future, like water.

* * *

The pool where they met in dreams cradled many firsts. Haru liked to touch without clothes on. Sometimes they kissed. Sometimes Haru put his arms around him and squeezed so hard Rin was breathless or dragged channels down his back.

As weeks passed, Haru grew bolder. He touched Rin in ways no one had, using his hands and then his mouth. And when those were not enough, they lay on the tiles where Rin had once cried and crashed into each other. There was never any pain. Come morning, the only sign they had been together would be the sticky mess in Rin’s shorts he’d scrub away in the shower.

Other kids at school messed around with each other. Rin envied the red marks on their necks, matching jewelry, shared lunches. He carried nothing of Haru but pictures. He set the one of him sleeping as his wallpaper, but after someone asked about the person in the photo, Rin replaced it. No one else should see Haru like that.

The dreams increased in frequency from once or twice a week to every night. Sleep never came quickly enough. Rin finished his homework on the bus to and from practice so he could sleep as soon as he’d had dinner.

In the center of the pool, they greeted each other with silent lips.

“Rin.” No one said his name like Haru did.

“What?” Rin said as their skin slid together. He’d lost count of how many times they’d done this. “What do you want? I’ll do it.”

“Bite me,” Haru whispered. “Make it hurt.”

“Why?”

“So it will last this time.”

“December,” Rin promised. “Just eight more weeks.”

“Please. Rin.”

He left teeth marks that wouldn’t be there in the morning and woke tasting his own blood.

* * *

His mother and Gou decided on a last-minute visit to Australia during the holidays that year, and Rin had to cancel his annual trip home. After he broke the news, Haru didn’t come to their pool for three days.

Rin called him on the fourth morning.

“You promised not to ignore me anymore.”

“I’m sorry.” Haru’s voice was thick like he had a cold. It was strange not to talk face-to-face.

“There’s nothing I can do,” Rin said. “It was my mom’s decision.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be home before summer. It’s not that long.”

It felt like years from now. They lapsed into silence for a while. Rin listened to Haru breathe.

“Will you have time off?” Haru said. “After the new year?”

“School won’t start back up until the end of January. It’s summer break.”

“Would you be upset if I visited?”

Rin sat up and blinked. “You want to come here?”

“I want to see where you live.”

“It’ll be expensive.”

“I don’t care.”

“I have to check with my homestay family.”

“Okay,” Haru said. His voice was lighter.

Rin breached the subject at breakfast, of Haru staying with them for a few days in January. “I know it would trouble you,” he said, bowing his head. “Especially since my family will be visiting soon. But please think about it.”

“Rin, I think this is the first request you’ve made since you came here,” Russell said.

Lori nodded. “We would be happy if Haruka came to stay with us. Please invite him.”

He sent a message after they finished eating. Two hours later, Haru sent a photograph of his flight confirmation.

* * *

Rin wasn't sure he could top the excitement of his own family coming to see him in Australia, but when he walked into the terminal on January third and and saw Haru near the exit squinting at the signs for baggage claim, it took all of his self-control not to run to him.

Lori had driven him to the airport. Rin sat with Haru in the back seat of the sedan, using the excuse of showing Haru the city in order to lean over him and point out of the window. The edges of their hands touched. Haru hooked his little finger over Rin’s, the most innocent way he’d touched Rin in months. The first time he’d ever touched him intimately in person.

“He’s as handsome as you described,” Lori said, watching them in the rear-view mirror. Rin blushed.

“What did she say?” Haru asked.

“That I talk about you a lot.”

Haru didn’t answer, but the corners of his mouth lifted. He squeezed Rin’s finger with his.

Winnie whined for them at the door. Russell had to work the night shift and wouldn’t be home until late, so the three of them had dinner outside on the brick patio. Lori had made mackerel especially. She lit candles after the sun went down and reminded Rin to blow them out before he and Haru went to bed.

“Does Haruka need anything?” she asked.

Rin translated. Haru shook his head. “I’m fine,” he said. “Thank you.”

“G’night, then,” Lori said. “You boys sleep well.”

“Good night,” Haru said in English.

The sliding door closed. It was the first time they had been alone in over a year. Haru reached for his hand.

“You’re warm,” he said.

“I’m sweating. It’s hot.”

Their hands fit like hands that had once been joined. Haru’s were more slender, but he had rougher palms. They’d felt smooth in the dreams up until now. Rin rubbed the edge of his thumb over a callous.

“Should we go inside?” he said.

“Show me your room.”

Lori had put a blow-up mattress on the floor about a foot away from Rin’s bed and half its height.

“Are you tired?” Rin asked, scratching his head.

“Not really.”

“We could play a game or watch something.”

Haru shook his head. “Bath.”

“Across the hall. I’ll get you a towel.”

“You’re coming too.”

“I showered before we picked you up,” Rin said but Haru shook his head again.

“I want to bathe together.”

There was a look in his eyes that Rin knew well, but he had never seen it on the flesh-and-blood Haru, and the intensity, the burning in his eyes made Rin shiver.

“It’s not a large shower,” he said weakly.

Haru stepped into his personal space and looped his arms around Rin’s waist, drawing their bodies together so their hips were flush and their feet overlapped. No matter what they’d done in each other’s subconscious, the real Haru had never held him like this. Rin’s face and neck burned as his body began to react, but Haru’s did the same. Rin could feel it through his clothes.

“We’ll fit,” Haru said.

They ducked across the dark hallway and only switched on the bathroom light once they were both inside with the door locked. Haru looked Rin in the eye and lifted his shirt up and over his head. He unzipped his pants and let them fall, leaving only his briefs, and looked at Rin, blinking slowly. Through the thin white fabric, Rin could see that Haru was hard.

He’d never seen another person aroused before, except in the videos Sousuke had looked up that had made Rin blush so hard he’d gotten angry and stormed out. He felt none of that anger looking at Haru now. It felt natural to remove his own shirt. He watched Haru as it fell. His face was pink, eyes darker than usual, the blacks of his pupils chasing the water from them. Rin had never been this turned on. His heart beat so quickly he thought he would die.

Rin had never been this turned on. His heart beat so quickly he thought he would die. His hands shook so hard, he couldn’t undo his pants.

“Do you not want to?” Haru said, misunderstanding.

“That’s not it.”

Rin reached for Haru’s hand and held it to his chest, over the place where his heart was failing.

“Mine’s the same,” Haru said and embraced him.

He was trembling. They had hugged in only their swimsuits after the relay, but to hold him now, Haru was dry and warm. He fit himself to Rin’s front.

“I can feel your heart,” Haru whispered in his ear and Rin’s body betrayed him. He cried out against Haru’s shoulder even as he cringed and folded into himself. The inside of his briefs was sticky and wet and Rin was humiliated.

Haru said his name softly.

“I want to die,” Rin moaned but Haru spoke into his ear again.

“I like that I make you hot.”

Rin flushed and clutched his shoulders. “How can you say that so easily?”

“Rin, we’ve been having sex for months.”

“Not like _this_!”

Haru pulled back enough that Rin could look him in the eye. “That would make this our first time.”

“Don’t _say_ it!”

“Why? I want to touch you. I want you to touch me.”

Haru’s bluntness left Rin scandalized. “We haven’t even kissed yet.”

“Open your mouth.”

Haru parted Rin’s lips with his thumb and pressed their mouths together. Kissing the real Haru was soft and all-consuming. Rin’s vision went dark and the worry that had been flitting through his mind was silenced.

When Haru’s tongue touched his, Rin was so startled he jerked his head back.

“Where...where did you learn to do that?”

“With you.”

It was there in his muscle memory, even though he had never kissed Haru before. Rin’s body knew how to move. He knew how to touch Haru the way he liked, that he should slide his hands down Haru’s back and help Haru to grind against him.

“Touch me directly,” Haru whispered.

Rin hadn’t thought his face could get any redder or that his body could respond to Haru’s again so soon. “Shower,” he managed to say. One of them started the water. Haru undid the fastenings on Rin's pants and kissed him while Rin stepped out of them.

Steam began to rise and billow out of the shower. Haru pulled the curtain closed behind them. Water sluiced over his hair and down his neck. He shook his head, throwing the hair back from his face and put his arms around Rin's neck again.

This time when they touched, there was nothing between them and Rin whined. He did as Haru wanted and reached between them. He touched Haru the way he would touch himself, and Haru kissed him the way he did in dreams, forcing his tongue inside Rin’s mouth in time with his hand.

Holding Haru as he trembled and panted against him, Rin realized he’d never wanted anything more in the world. Whatever embarrassment, whatever shame he’d felt a moment ago was far, far behind him like a swimmer who had stopped racing. He kissed Haru back and moved his hand to coax sounds from him.

Eventually, the trembling became so much that Haru’s knees buckled and Rin put an arm around his back to keep him standing.

“Haruka,” he whispered. That name which Haru disliked, that Rin found so awkward to say at any other time slipped from his mouth as easily as breathing. Haruka was the person in his arms, naked against him, the person digging his nails into Rin’s shoulders.

Haru said Rin’s name against his lips. Warmth splashed Rin’s hand and stomach and made him burn hotter. He'd never done this with anyone else. Haru had never done this with anyone else. Whatever happened in the future, they would always belong to each other in this way. Haru went pliant against him.

“Was it...good?” Rin said and Haru nodded against his neck.

“Your turn.”

“I’m fine.”

“I want to.” 

He kissed Rin as he touched him. Rin didn't know how to describe the difference between his own hand and Haru's. They were nearly the same size, the same warmth, and yet Haru’s hand was infinitely more exhilarating, like jumping feet-first into a brand new pool. Water was water, yet no two bodies of it were ever quite the same, and this hand was not the same as his. After a few minutes of coaxing, Rin came hard within it.

They kissed under the spray. Haru pushed Rin’s hair back from his face and chased his mouth. He chased it when they were under the covers with their ankles crossed, arms around each other and hands moving constantly over each other’s skin.

“I should move to the air mattress,” Haru said even as he shifted closer. They hadn't dressed.

“Lori never comes in.”

They kissed until they were too tired to kiss anymore. Haru nuzzled his cheek and went still.

* * *

They woke touching. Rin could have almost believed last night had been a dream, but when he saw the rise and curve of Haru's shoulder inches from his face, he filled with something indescribable and felt compelled to touch him.

“You’re here,” he whispered.

Haru made a sound and turned over, squinting at the light through the window, but he smiled when he saw Rin.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.”

His hair was flattened on one side and sticking up in the front. It tugged at Rin’s heart.

“What do you want to do today?” he said and laughed at himself when Haru’s mouth began to form the word. “I know, I know. We’ll swim after breakfast.”

In the slanting morning light, Haru was no less shy. His mouth tasted bitter but he kissed Rin with the same intensity he had the night before. He was hard and Rin was hard. They slid like waves over and against one another.

They escaped to the shower and Rin walked into the kitchen feeling guilty.

Winnie was napping in a puddle of sunlight. Lori didn’t seem able to control her smile as she looked at them. “Good morning. I hope you got some sleep. Oh, it looks like you have a bug bite, Haru.”

She smiled into her coffee.

“What did she say?” Haru asked.

Rin couldn't take his eyes from the mark on Haru’s neck that was still there.

“She hopes you slept well.”

* * *

For ten days, Rin woke to Haruka in his bed and held Haruka in his arms every night as they fell asleep. They spent every minute together, on the beach or at the pool where Rin trained, at the coffee shop with blue awnings, exploring Shark Walk at the aquarium. Haru purchased gifts for everyone back home and too soon Rin was watching him zip his suitcase and enter the line for airport security.

He cried on the car ride home. He told Lori it was an upset stomach. She passed him a tissue from her purse and he wept into it.

“Those are the worst stomach aches,” she said.

* * *

The bed felt cold the first morning Rin woke alone. He burrowed in the cotton blankets but the chill remained. Strange since it was summer. He must have been coming down with a fever.

He dressed for a run since it was the weekend and training wouldn't resume until Monday. No matter how far he went, he couldn't shake the sluggishness in his legs, the lingering sense of exhaustion. The black shirt stuck wet to his chest like another skin. He forgot to turn the light on and showered in the dark, washing his hair twice by mistake. Maybe he should start drinking coffee.

Lori sent him on an errand to buy more. Russell had come home with the wrong type of beans. Rin walked six blocks to the coffee shop she preferred, the one with the red awnings not blue, and was the third person in line. He checked his phone every time he shuffled forward another few inches. Nothing since Haru had landed at 4:48am. Rin requested one pound of coarsely ground dark roast. Lori had written down her order after he’d twice repeated it incorrectly.

Eyes on his phone, Rin handed over the money, only realizing the transaction was over when the clerk, in a red smock, dropped tarnished coins into his hand. They clanged in his pocket on the walk home.

Lori thanked him for the errand and made a pot of coffee, but Rin declined a cup, saying he needed to lie down.

He crawled back into the unmade bed, and when he closed his eyes, Haru was waiting.

Rin pulled him close and kissed him, desperate for his body, the pressure of his mouth. Haru tensed. He kissed Rin once and dropped his arms.

“Catch me,” he said and darted away.

* * *

Rin chased him every night. Haru would greet him with a kiss as light as sea spray, but he would always pull away in an instant and remained a fraction of an inch out of reach, like the pool walls Rin had spent a lifetime reaching toward.

On his birthday, Haru held him. Rin didn’t say how much he’d missed the feeling of their bodies connected, only clutched Haru’s shoulders and whispered his full name. Afterwards, Haru looked at him like he might cry. His teeth chattered, lips blue like the photograph on Rin’s phone.

“I’ll warm you up,” Rin pleaded, reaching out his arms, but Haru floated farther from him.

“I want to race,” he said.

After that, he didn’t hold Rin and he didn’t touch him anymore. Rin grew desperate. For months, he stole touches where he could: a hand flattened on top of Haru’s against the pool wall when they finished, the brush of his ankle when he kicked off. When Rin breached his lane, Haru evaded him, ducking under Rin and changing directions. The times Rin caught him around the middle, Haru gasped, hugged Rin’s arms, and struggled free.

He didn’t ask if Haru no longer loved him, if someone had found out, if he was ashamed of what they’d done now that he was back home. Rin wasn’t sure he would survive the answer. Haru came to him every night and that was enough. Rin told himself that was enough.

* * *

He grew worried enough that he confided in Sousuke during a video call.

“You're going out with Nanase?” Sousuke said. He’d just woken up. His hair was sticking up in places and he frowned into the camera. “Since when?”

Rin wasn’t sure how to answer. “Last summer?”

“I didn't realize you two were _that_ close.”

“We’ve talked a lot since I came here.”

“That explains how he acted at your house.” Sousuke laughed. “Well...Nanase seems pretty reserved. If he’s still talking to you, I'm sure it's fine.”

There was no way to make Sousuke understand without explaining the dreams, and how to do that without sounding like he’d gone insane, Rin didn’t know. He settled on, “It wasn’t like this before.”

“Worrying about it isn't going to accomplish anything. Have you asked him if something’s wrong?”

“No.” Rin rubbed his face. “How's your shoulder?”

“I have therapy this afternoon.”

“You’d better heal before the fall.”

“At least we caught it before it got worse. Are you definitely enrolling in Samezuka?”

“If I pass the entrance exam,” Rin said on a sigh. “They’re letting me take them when I get back.”

“You’ll pass. Does Nanase know?”

“Know what?”

“That you’re coming here.”

“He knows I didn’t take the exam for his school.”

“Won’t it make things difficult?” Sousuke said.

Rin raised an eyebrow. “How?”

“Competing against him. Can you really swim your fastest against your boyfriend? Aren’t you worried about hurting him?”

“Haru doesn’t care about things like that.”

“But you do,” Sousuke said. “What’ll happen the first time he beats you?”

“He’s beaten me before.”

“When you were kids. Will you still want to sleep with him if you come in second?”

“You perv,” Rin said. He didn’t answer Sousuke’s question out of respect for Haru’s privacy, but he failed to imagine being with him after losing. He twisted his mouth.

“Maybe he realizes it too,” Sousuke said. “We’ll be going to college soon, thinking about careers. Lots of things will be changing. Or maybe he met a girl.”

“He didn’t meet anyone!” Rin shouted. The outburst hurt his throat. Covering his mouth, Rin hung his head. “Sorry. It’s just...I’m sure he hasn’t. It’s not really in his nature.”

“You’re really taken with him.” Sousuke sounded more amused than anything. “Does your family know that you’re dating?”

“No.”

“Are you prepared to tell them?”

“I don’t know,” Rin said.

* * *

“Are you enrolling at Iwatobi?” Haru asked that night. He was sitting on the edge of the pool like he’d done when they first met here. Rin floated in the center on his back. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d kissed hello.

“No,” Rin said.

“I didn’t think so.” Haru straightened his legs. The splashing echoed. “When did you decide?”

“A while ago.” Was it the sort of thing they should have decided together? Rin didn't look at him.

“We’ll be rivals,” Haru said and Rin snorted.

“Sousuke doesn’t think I’ll be able to compete against you.”

“He knows about us?”

Rin couldn’t tell from Haru’s voice whether he was upset about that or not.

“I told him,” Rin said. “Sorry. I should’ve asked you first.”

“I don’t care if he knows.”

That made Rin smile a little. “What if he’s right?” he said. “What if I hold back without meaning to?”

“You won’t,” Haru said. “Not any more than I would. I swim my best when you’re in the next lane. When we race and you win, I’m happy for you. You aren’t happy for me?”

“I get pissed if I lose.”

“I'll comfort you.”

“I'll be pissed at _you_.”

Haru sighed and slipped into the water, swimming to Rin’s side. “Then be angry.” He reached toward Rin’s hand beneath the water but stopped short of touching him. “When are you coming home?”

“The first week of April. I’ll send you an email when I land.”

“Will you go to your family’s house right away?”

Rin shook his head. “Not if you invite me.”

Haru hovered his hand near Rin’s cheek. “You could live with me for the summer. Until school starts.”

Live together? As what? What did Haru expect from him? Rin had no idea where they stood, if Haru saw him as a lover anymore. His bewilderment must’ve shown on his face because Haru blinked and dropped his hand.

“You don’t have to answer right now,” he said.

“Kiss me,” Rin demanded, and though he perceived the flinch Haru tried to hide from him, the shudder that rippled through him, Rin closed his eyes and let himself be swept away by the feeling of his lips.

* * *

His time in Australia drew to a close and Rin gathered his things for the return trip to Japan: the well-worn Sydney travel guide, an opal bracelet for his mother, earrings and two packs of Tim Tams for Gou, a painted boomerang for Sousuke. For Haru, a braided leather bracelet dyed twilight blue. He’d bought one for himself as well in a fit of foolish optimism the day after his birthday, lovesick in a souvenir shop. Pride had kept him from returning the second one. If Haru reacted badly—or worse, rejected the gift outright—Rin would bury the spare in the garden and never think of it.

Twelve days later, Haru was waiting at the station when the train arrived. Rin’s heart began to pound the way it did before a race, and he had to stop himself from running forward, from pulling Haru to him. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do that anymore, if Haru would welcome it, and they were in public. Rin averted his eyes and pretended to adjust his cap.

“Yo,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Have you been waiting long?”

“Not really,” Haru said, though his nose was pink, hair wind-tossed like he’d been outside for a while. “I’ll carry your bag.”

“You don’t—” Rin started to say, but Haru had already taken it from him without touching his skin and was walking ahead.

His shoulders were wider than they’d been in January and he was slightly taller too. Rin stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked beside him.

He had no idea what to expect. The last time they'd seen each other, Haru couldn't keep his hands to himself, and now he wasn't speaking. He wasn’t making eye contact. Another of the wheels on Rin’s suitcase had developed a squeak. It must’ve been damaged on the flight. The suitcase played an awkward duet as they walked.

Rin stopped to pet a stray white cat that meowed as they went past.

“Makoto feeds it,” Haru said, the first he’d spoken in ten minutes.

“Gou says Steve is getting fat.”

Haru smiled a little.

Rin was shaking when they arrived at the door to Haru’s house, when Haru reached into his pocket for the key. Fear pushed him over the threshold. The interior of the house was still. Rin took off his shoes and folded his hat in his hands.

“Excuse me,” he said.

Haru latched the door and set down the suitcase. Rin watched his back as he removed his shoes and coat, prepared to follow Haru into the house, to follow him anywhere, and startled when Haru rounded on him. He took two steps forward and wrapped himself around Rin.

Haru was shaking. Rin swallowed, uncertain if he should hug him or if Haru would push away like usual. When he hadn’t moved after a minute, Rin took a chance and brought his arms up, crossing them over Haru’s back.

Something wet and hot fell onto his shoulder. Another.

“Haru?” Rin said quickly. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re warm.”

Rin didn’t understand. “That’s making you cry?”

Haru shook his head. “In my dreams, your skin is always cold. Like holding a dead thing. I thought I could bear it until you came home, but whenever I touched you…”

He shuddered and Rin held him closer.

“Was it always like that?”

“No,” Haru said. His voice was thick. “Only since I came home. Before that you felt like water.”

Rin had never considered the dreams might have been different for Haru. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he said.

“I was scared. I wasn’t sure what it meant, if you didn't...any longer...”

“You…” Rin sighed against his hair. He couldn't be upset with him. Rin hadn't had the courage to speak of it either. “Take me to your room.”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“I can wait.”

Haru held onto him up the stairs and through the door to his bedroom. The futon smelled like him. Rin took off his clothes and lay down. Reaching out his arms, he caught Haru within them and whispered his name.

They moved together slowly. Haru dragged his nails down the sides of Rin’s body and kissed with the same desperation as the morning he’d left Australia.

“Stay with me,” Haru said. “Here. Until you move into the dorms.”

“What am I supposed to tell my family?”

“That we’re training together during the summer.” Haru’s eyes were cool although his face and chest were pink. He brushed the hair from Rin’s forehead. “Coach Sasabe is planning to reopen the swim club.”

“Seriously?”

“Makoto talked to him.”

“My family will probably understand if it’s for training. And I can go home on weekends to keep Gou happy.” Rin kissed his neck. “Are you feeling better?”

Haru nodded.

“I brought souvenirs,” Rin said. “Do you want them now?”

“When we go downstairs.”

They stayed in bed for an hour, until the sun began to set. Rin borrowed a t-shirt and shorts from Haru’s closet, and stood over his shoulder while Haru grilled fish for two.

“Smells good,” Rin said.

Haru pecked his cheek. An apron suited him. The food was as good as a restaurant’s.

After dinner, Rin rummaged through his bags for the gift he’d brought for Haru, but the travel guide to Sydney caught his eye. He opened to the page where he’d tucked the sakura petal his first day in Australia four years ago. It had dried to a pale pink, preserved between the pages. He pried it off of the paper and took it with him back to the table.

“For you,” Rin said. He placed the petal in Haru’s palm.

“What’s this?”

“I found it in my bag when I got to Australia. It was my good-luck charm.”

“You should keep it.”

“I don’t need it anymore,” Rin said and blushed. He set the bracelets down and pushed one toward Haru. “Here. You don’t have to wear it.”

Haru smiled faintly and held out his left arm.

“It’s kangaroo leather. So they told me.” Rin slipped it onto his wrist. “You’ll have to take it off before you swim.”

“You bought two?” Haru said.

“Uh.” Rin scratched his head. “Yeah.”

Haru put it on for him, the most embarrassing and wonderful moment of Rin’s life. His face was on fire, but Haru looked seconds from kissing him, licking his lips in a way that went straight to Rin’s groin. He unbuttoned his shirt. Would they do it here on the floor or go back upstairs? Rin would probably get a friction burn on his back, but he couldn’t think of any reason to refuse. Haru’s shirt hit the floor and he crawled to him.

Someone knocked on the door. Haru kissed him anyway.

“Are you expecting someone?” Rin said.

“I told Makoto that you were coming home. That’s probably him.”

“You’re just remembering this now?” Rin pushed him away and stared at his clothes, which were Haru’s clothes, the bracelets they both wore. He needed a bath. Haru also needed a bath. Rin’s teeth had left a bouquet of red marks on his neck. “We should change,” he said.

“I think he knows. But if you’ll be embarrassed…”

“Are you?”

Haru looked him in the eyes. “No,” he said and with the arm bearing the bracelet Rin had brought him, lifted a hand to Rin’s cheek.

* * *

The morning of the first fall meet between Iwatobi and Samezuka, Haru and Rin climbed the hill that led to his father's grave as the sun peeked over the horizon. It was early enough in the day that no one else was around. Rin held onto Haru’s hand as they went, as the hill flattened out and they came to the top where the marker stood.

Rain and wind had kept the stone clean. Rin yanked a spiky weed from the base and flung it into the wind. In its place, he laid wildflowers they’d picked along the way.

“Dad, this is Haru.”

“Hello,” Haru said and pressed his lips together, as if he’d expected someone to answer and was disappointed. Rin stuck a hand in his hair and laughed.

“Sorry I haven't come to visit lately. I've been in Australia training but I'm home now. I'm enrolled at Samezuka. Me and Haru, we’re racing later today. Also...” He swung Haru’s hand between them and cleared his throat in preparation for what he’d say next. “Haru means a lot to me. I hope we would have your blessing.”

As Haru’s fingers tightened around his, a warm gust off of the water stung Rin’s eyes. He sniffed and glanced at Haru.

“Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course.”

“Should we go down?”

“We can stay for a few minutes. The view is beautiful from here.”

“My dad would like it. He loved the water almost as much as you do.”

Haru cast his eyes across the ocean. “It isn’t the only thing.”

* * *

Rin had never felt so fired up and simultaneously calm going into a race. He waited until there was no one but Haru in the visitors’ locker room and boxed him in against the lockers. The sound of their lips echoed off of the metal. Haru was panting when they pulled apart.

“I'm going to beat you,” he said without blinking.

“You think you can outswim me?”

“I usually outswim you.”

Rin laughed. “Sousuke is recording it. We can watch it later at home. I already put in an overnight request.”

“I'll make dinner.”

“No mackerel,” Rin said, pressing a finger to Haru’s mouth.

“I’m making it the way you like it. We need to warm up.”

When their heat was called, they walked together to the pool and climbed onto the platforms in adjacent lanes.

“Swim for me,” Haru said, adjusting his goggles. He never took his eyes off the lane. Rin pulled his own goggles into place, nervous energy bursting from his fingers as he snapped the band.

They crouched into starting positions and the signal went off.

Both of them swam as hard as Rin could remember. He felt exhilarated watching Haru pull ahead of him in the next lane, the push he needed to slash the water harder. The other swimmers didn't matter. Haru would win or he wouldn't. Rin would win or he wouldn't. Either way, they would go to Haru's house.

By the time they’d reached the far wall for the turnaround, they kicked off at almost the same instant. Rin was no longer chasing after him. If not for his dreams, he would have missed all of this.

He let that ache push him the last few meters with his new hybrid stroke. And when Haru's hand struck the wall a split-second behind his, it was Rin’s palm that sang with the impact. Something in his chest splintered, as though the loss were his. He removed his goggles and they stared at each other across the lane divider.

“Congratulations,” Haru said. His breaths came hard. “Why are you crying?”

Rin had no answer. Around them, his teammates were shouting and scrambling out of the pool to make way for the next heat, but he could hardly hear them. He wiped his eyes with the inside of his wrist. Haru leaned across the divider and Rin felt his arms, the crest of his smile against his cheek.

“Don’t laugh at me,” Rin said, pushing at him weakly, but Haru shook his head.

“I’m not,” he promised and held him closer. “I can feel your heart.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this back in July as an exercise based on a poetry prompt. I wanted to explore what Rin and Haru’s relationship might have looked like if they had communicated while he was away, so I roughed out the early dream sequences and set it aside. I liked the idea and kept poking at it when I needed a break from heavier stuff. 
> 
> When I realized this fit the theme for Day 4 of rhweek, I got serious about finishing. It has taken many turns since the first draft, a 2k pre-relationship fic ending with their actual first time. When I had the idea of the relationship forming while they were still apart, I became interested in the mental toll that must take after a while and how they might both react to it. 
> 
> ~~I'm working on a sketch for this that I haven't finished yet because the last season of VLD destroyed me. But I'll try to post it before rhweek ends.~~ I will finish this...one day.
> 
> Thank you to Rea for beta reading; to Fishie for answering my questions about Australia (apparently coffee is a Big Deal there!); to SweetHeaven for helping me brainstorm a difficult scene and find a title - you are a gem; to Rubi for encouraging me to write this back in July and for being my first RH friend; to my friends in the sakura pool for your boundless enthusiasm for this ship; and to Amber for the original prompt. 
> 
> If you read this far, thank you so much. If you’re on Twitter, [I hope you will come say hello!](http://www.twitter.com/museawayfic)


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